I have made a decision. Instead of plumping for uber-clichéd accomplished graduate option number 1 - that of eternal studenthood (at least, not yet) - I am, instead, plumping for uber-clichéd accomplished graduate option number 2 - that of living at home for a year or two. (But no more than two, in all likelihood.)
At least I haven't said anything about Travelling In Order To Find Myself. Yet.
It is at this point that, not for the first time, I wish my parents didn't live somewhere quite as boring and remote as north Cumbria.
So, obviously, I'm very much going to miss us me-ats ("my friends" for those of you who don't read Geordie - the few that are potentially still in the area intend to escape as soon as possible), and being all academic and stuff like innit, and metaaaaaal! (And gothness: I might not, sensibly, be able to come to the Screaming Banshee Aircrew launch party and Black Celebration, but I'll look into cheap train tickets as soon as I get home.) But I'm going to benefit in a big way too. (And am already doing so - I was feeling very very very stressed about going to Kent, and this is a great weight of my mind.) Essentially, for now, I really really want the free time and ease-of-living which, between the work, the getting there and the social life, living la vida PhD student wouldn't afford me. I don't want to specify exactly why I want that time and freedom, though, as it would mean revealing more of my psyche than I'm comfortable with.
As to how I'll be earning money: writing! Well, we can but hope, anyway. More to the point, working in the office at my parents' shop (which sells musical instruments and sheet music to the public and schools). 37.5 hour a week. Paperwork, computer work, doing stuff with Opera my Dad's scared of, answering phones, and solving mysteries for customers.
On the downside, wages aren't anywhere near what I'd earn doing a "proper job", and there won't be the level of satisfaction that doing a PhD would give me. On the upside:
1) Wages are waaaaay better than what I'd get for doing something equally unskilled.
2) I'll be saving more money than I would if I were doing a PhD, as my cost of living will half of what it would be in Kent, and having very little to do int evenings will also be a bonus in this regard.
3) It takes five minutes at most to get to work, and I don't even have to do food shopping or laundry or anything, so yay, even more free time.
4) I won't have to take it home with me, physically or mentally.
5) It's an easy enough to not soak up all my mental energies, without being totally dull either.
6) I actually care about the business (because one day, it will all be mine! Mine! Well, and my brother's, and possibly not, as they might sell it, but, you know, I don't want my parents to go bankrupt either), which I wouldn't with a lot of other jobs, so I won't hate it and skive off and have to lie about my commitment to it. I've worked there a lot before, and although working for one's parents and uncle in a building that smells altogether too often of silage (country life, eh?) and Old Man (bored country-dwelling people, eh?) isn't perfect, I don't dislike being there, and I've never felt the urge to be anything other than absolutely diligent - I don't stop for a second for several-hour periods. So no stress there. And there is absolutely no corporate rubbish attached to it. No team-building, no taking it forward, no sucking up for promotion, noot.
7) And there's other things, like getting to live in a nice area, having digital TV, and not having to live with people who let pigeons into the kitchen or only turn the central heating on for four hours a day, if indeed they have it at all. (I respect other people's choices to do this, but These Are Some Things I Could Do Without.)
As for what afterwards, well, I need my metal, friends and accomplishment too much to go without them too for long, but quite what I'll do, where I'll go, and when, I don't yet know. Doing a PhD is still something I'm seriously considering (and taking a year or two off first may in fact be the best thing I can do in this respect, as undeniably, I've worked incredibly hard over the last three years, and I could probably do with a break from it). But I need to see how things go first.
And now, on with the work and lying in bed, as I have a huge amount of both to do. (I'm struggling to get any actual sleep, due to stress and not getting any physical excursion, thanks to this foot thing, so I need a lot of rest.)
Tuesday 3 August 2004
Alas. I am clearly never going to succeed in the real world, for I am simply too nice and honest. When I was buying some met cards (for public transport using purposes) today, the man in the shop tried to give me an extra $20 change, but I pointed out his error without a second thought.
Earlier on, he'd asked if I wanted full-fare or concession. ????? If I was still 21, I'd think my age had been turned upside since I came here. I have been going clubbing regularly since I was 17, and yet - even though I regularly get taken to be four years younger than I am (and equally regularly four years older) - in the following five years, I never once got ID'd. Since I've been in this country, it's happened twice, and now this. You have to be under 15 to get a concession. I turn 23 next week!
And I didn't even look disabled! (As, I've discovered, it's less strain on my foot to walk on it quickly, than to move slowly by crutch. I normally carry them with me, in case it gives out completely - as it has a few times - but today I'd forgotten.) Maybe he took me to be mentally disabled.
In other news, marching fractures appear to run in my department - one of my few fellow students has got one now too!
