I haven't been posting or commenting much on livejournal lately, as, for the last week, since I returned from daan saath, I've been experiencing a wholly irrational level of misery, so intense that it's caused me to fear and so avoid social contact as far as possible.

Luckily, I've reached the point of turning to religion and converted to Satanism. No, not really, but it occurred to me that's what it is I've been missing these last months: my devilish bit. Despite my uber-Christian instinct for self-deprivation and flaggelation, the happiest times in my life have been those when I've been possessed with Evil Glee. Verbally painting vicious caricatures of my friends, playing Consequences in study periods, giving presentations about squedgehogs, having sex in my housemates' beds (before they moved in - I'm not that evil), and making my friends list cower and moan "Too much information!" Yes, it's immature, but people like me more for it.

And, verily, embracing my demons rather than fighting them has been working nicely outside of work time. Sadly, work has become utterly insufferable, and remains so, and I can't see any way of making it better. There's nothing wrong with it, but there's nothing I like about it either. Imagining the fun the kids at the rival schools of "Goffs School" must have doesn't compensate for much. And my feelings towards it have surpassed boredom and frustration, and moved into the realms of absolute terror.

I don't suppose it does my head in any more than anyone else's barely-skilled labour, but that doesn't detract from the fact that I don't *have* to be there. Money is nowhere near as important to me as time, fun and general peace of mind. I've been believing I can't leave until the end of April, but I was rereading my recent journal entries last night, and it seems Mum told me at one point I could leave if I really hated it. I don't hate the job itself; I just hate doing something that turns me into a quivering Tourettes-afflicted wreck and feels like a waste of my time and general brilliance.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do, and my parents are currently in Tenerife (lucky geens), so I can't discuss it with them yet. Whatever happens, though, I really need to start trying to make money off my writing, which is going to be great fun, but will involve putting in a lot of hours, so don't expect me to be as communicative as usual for the next few months.

I have ten thousand million tons of stuff to say, but it will have to wait. But let it be known that after over four years of my acquaintance, and reading the entirety of my nearly-seven years of online journal entries, Bryn has finally given in and gotten himself a livejournal! (He's seriously dyslexic, by the way.)